Note: The following post is not an attempt at sacrilege as some might view it, but simply one of a humorous nature that points out the often exaggerated demeanor of worship that Pentecostals display. I am very much a Pentecostal and I'm simply observing something that is appreciated by many, including fellow Apostolics. Please do not take offense at my sense of humor.
You see them everyday. They walk your streets. They roam your biggest mall. You often see them sneaking in and out of movie theaters so as not to be seen by their elders. And most importantly, they tend to crowd your local Golden Corral or Shoney's.
During the day, they are only men that tuck their T-Shirts into their jeans and women with freakishly long hair and skirts. But at night (on Sundays and sporadically during the week if there's Bible Study or a revival), they transform into something much greater. Something so outlandish, so ridiculous, even their nearest dearest friends of the same faith have a hard time getting past it.
They become your average, One-God-Apostolic-tongue-talking-holly-roller-born-again-heaven-bound-believer-in-the-liberating-power-of-Jesus'-name. In other words, your average red-blooded, Republican-voting Pentecostal.
If you are to choose to become one of these people that crowd the altar after service and display the theatrics normally reserved for the Ringley Brother Circus, there are a few techniques you can display.
I can only give you the basics, for the greater, much more complicated moves come with practice. Here are three to get you started:
#1 The Sway and Whoop
This is the easiest of them all. All you have to do is stand somewhere with plenty of space, preferably in the aisle, and just do what comes natural: sway your arms back and forth as you jump and twirl and let out a good ol' fashion Holy Ghost WHOOOOOOOOOOP! It's pretty basic, but effective.
#2 The Helicopter Dance
This one is a little harder, but still not so difficult. If you're car sick, you might want to stick to #1, but if you're under the Spirit, it really won't matter all that much. This is simply spinning in circles with your left shoulder tilted so as to give the appearance of a helicopter crashing into the ground. A little hoop or holler here and there is optional.
#3 The Jig for Jehovah
And last, but most certainly not least, is the Jig for Jehovah. This requires a little more skill and possibly some knowledge of dance moves from your time spent in the world backslidden or looking for a Savior. This could be really simple or complicated, depending on which way you want to do it. You can either jump up and down like something's poking you in the bum or you do three hops before taking off across the sanctuary, convention center, campground building, or where the Shekinah glory is falling. And along the way, you can throw in some fancy moves within your realm of knowledge wherever you deem it necessary.
So there you have it. The rest will come once you have master these three. And who knows; you might discover some of your own along your journey to glory. Either way, now you know how to get down like a Pentecostal. So if you'll excuse me, I've got some aisles to run.
GLO-RAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
