It's here! 2009 is finally here! That's the cue to make resolutions that will end up being broken within the first week. Yet, it's still nice to have that false hope that we will actually lose weight, manage debt, save money, get a better job, get fit, eat right, quit drinking and smoking, and possibly reduce stress overall in the coming year.
I've chosen to take a different road and not rant about how much I'm going to change this year. Instead, I've chosen to reflect on what an amazing year I've had. In the last twelve months, I've managed to recover completely from a car wreck that happened over a year and a half ago, finish high school by a sheer miracle, and start Gateway without any false starts. I know it's only three things, but in those three things, I've accomplished more than I would have if I had decided to shed a few pounds or lower my stress levels.
And the reason I accomplished that wasn't because I stood in Times Square when the clock struck twelve on New Year's last year. It was because I trusted that whatever may come, God will be there for me when no one else will.
So this year, I'm only making one resolution. I plan to trust in God like I did this past year. I challenge you all to do the same.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Friday, November 28, 2008
Fugly Girls with Revealing Knees
So that's what's going through my head: girls who could pass as creatures who graze the plains who like to strut their knees.
So Thanksgiving break has been pretty good. I forced myself to leave all homework and work-related items in my door room before I headed out to spend three days with my grandparents. It was great, except for the fact that nearly all the cousins (who happen to be twelve or younger) decided to stay over as well. It was three o'clock before I even closed my eyes to go to sleep the first night.
Now, I'm sitting at my grandparents' house because the internet connection beats Gateway's by a mile. Plus, the heaters nausceate me to the point where I want to vomit uncontrollably. And the showers need a good scrub down so I think I'll take advantage of the break and stay over in a clean enviroment.
Great, now I'm starting to sound like a tree-huggin' liberal. Pretty soon I'll be spray painting peace signs on the side of abandoned buildings.
I've had a lot on my mind though lately. Especially since the first semester at Gateway is coming to a close. I've given serious thought to a lot of things, especially what I want to do after this first year at what might be the greatest Bible college on planet Earth (caution: fresh dripping sarcasm). I'm thinking maybe doing the whole four years here; possibly doing one here and one at Indiana Baptist, pardon, Indiana Bible College. Another thought is doing two years at Gateway and then atending Liberty University and getting a degree in Journalism. But for now, all I can do is pray.
So, I'm about to hit the sack because I haven't slept that much because of overexcited and over-caffeinated small children who find great joy in pouncing on anything in sight. I've learned to limit my movement around them; it's the motion that attracts them. They're like little spider monkeys.
Well, for now, I'm going to forget the fugly girls with revealing knees. I've got a long day tomorrow and I need to sleep. I doubt that's going to happen but I'm going to try.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
7:15 a.m.
That's the time the alarm on my cell phone goes off. That's right. It's time to get up and get ready for school. I dread the thought of having to get up, but I have to consider it. I pick up my phone, which at the moment sounds like a tractor trailer backing up, and I see two options. I can either hit SNOOZE and let it go off again in five minutes or shut it off now and get up.
Everything has a decision attached to it.
7:18 a.m.
I decide to get up. I can't afford a tardy. I go to my closet and look at my clothing options. The dress code requires a polo shirt. But I have many of them. More options, more decisions. I can either go with the plain brown one or be spontaneous and wear the striped blue one. It's so insane because I love both of them.
Everything has a decision attached to it.
7:30 a.m.
I decide to be boring and wear the brown one. After freshening up, I go into the kitchen where I see my mother, holding a cereal box in one hand and an egg in the other. "What do you want for breakfast?" she inquires. Oh, bother. Another decision. If I want to fill my stomach and be a happy individual, I would go with the egg. If I just want to get out the door, I'd take the cereal. But I'm having a rough time deciding. Do I want to be fast, or do I want to be happy?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
7:45 a.m.
I'm in a hurry to get to my academic haven, so I go with the cereal. Watch out, world, here I come. I get in the car and I want to chill out for the next ten minutes so I decide to put on my iPod. But I remember that there is a big test today and I stink at multi-tasking. I want to have ten minutes of heaven, but a big fat F would be the consequence of that. What should I do?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
8:00 a.m.
I walk into my first class. I say hello to my classmates and sit down. And then I get up. The sun's in my face. I sit down in another spot. Someone spilled water (I THINK it's water) on this one. I find another spot. There's something poking my back. I stand up again, only to discover that those are the only available spots. Where should I sit. Should I endure the gleaming sun rays, dry my pants off after class, or just deal with the dicomfort of something poking my back?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
9:30 a.m.
Study Hall! My favorite class of the day. Basically, I can just chill and do whatever (some restrictions apply) for fifty minutes. But I have yet another test to study for, so I can use my time to do that. But I'm too lazy. I mean, I know all of the stuff, so it shouldn't be a problem. But all I wanna do right now is lean back, relax, read a book, or perhaps just sleep. But I might forget come testing time, so I better study. But is it really gonna be worth it?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
12:05 p.m.
It's lunch time! I'm excited because I am exhausted of hearing hour long lectures and I just want something to fill my stomach with. I walk outside off of campus and go across the street to...no, a meat sandwich doesn't sound so good right now. A meat quesadilla sound pretty good so I walk back across the street. But a meat sandwich would be great. But so would a meat quesadilla. Maybe I should get both. No, not enough money. Oh, man. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
12:30 p.m.
Ah, reading time. Or a twenty-minute Study Hall, depending on how you plan to use it. I walk in with a book, reading to dive into the adventures of Huckleberry Finn. But no. I still have MORE homework to do, so I should use these twenty minutes to study. But I don't want to. But I must. I want to find out what happens to Huck and Jim, but I have to answer a review sheet on how a bill becomes a law. It's so hard to decide. I want to do both, but I'm not a multi-tasker.
Everything has a decision attached to it.
3:00 p.m.
School is over. I come home and throw my backpack on my bed. I go upstairs to play PS2, but I remember that I have a book report to type out. Oh, but it can wait. But what if I wait too long? I would finish it late and lose points that would accumulate to the errors that are certain to be on the report. What should I do?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
10:00 p.m.
I have finished a hearty work-out and now it's time to open the Word of God. But I'm too tired, so I put it off until the morning.
That's when I begin to think. The past decisions have been so trivial and I treated them as if the nation depended on them. But now, one of the greatest decisions of my day is being blown off because I'm simply too tired. Ashamed, I kneel down beside my bed and pray. I ask God to forgive me for even considering not spending time in his Word. I ask Him to give me another chance. And He does.
So I get up. I sit up on my bed, my back against the wall. And I open my Bible and begin to read.
That's when I realize that everything does has a decision attached to it, but when it comes to God, I shouldn't even have to consider whether to do it or not. I should just do it and rely on Him to carry me through.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13
That's the time the alarm on my cell phone goes off. That's right. It's time to get up and get ready for school. I dread the thought of having to get up, but I have to consider it. I pick up my phone, which at the moment sounds like a tractor trailer backing up, and I see two options. I can either hit SNOOZE and let it go off again in five minutes or shut it off now and get up.
Everything has a decision attached to it.
7:18 a.m.
I decide to get up. I can't afford a tardy. I go to my closet and look at my clothing options. The dress code requires a polo shirt. But I have many of them. More options, more decisions. I can either go with the plain brown one or be spontaneous and wear the striped blue one. It's so insane because I love both of them.
Everything has a decision attached to it.
7:30 a.m.
I decide to be boring and wear the brown one. After freshening up, I go into the kitchen where I see my mother, holding a cereal box in one hand and an egg in the other. "What do you want for breakfast?" she inquires. Oh, bother. Another decision. If I want to fill my stomach and be a happy individual, I would go with the egg. If I just want to get out the door, I'd take the cereal. But I'm having a rough time deciding. Do I want to be fast, or do I want to be happy?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
7:45 a.m.
I'm in a hurry to get to my academic haven, so I go with the cereal. Watch out, world, here I come. I get in the car and I want to chill out for the next ten minutes so I decide to put on my iPod. But I remember that there is a big test today and I stink at multi-tasking. I want to have ten minutes of heaven, but a big fat F would be the consequence of that. What should I do?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
8:00 a.m.
I walk into my first class. I say hello to my classmates and sit down. And then I get up. The sun's in my face. I sit down in another spot. Someone spilled water (I THINK it's water) on this one. I find another spot. There's something poking my back. I stand up again, only to discover that those are the only available spots. Where should I sit. Should I endure the gleaming sun rays, dry my pants off after class, or just deal with the dicomfort of something poking my back?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
9:30 a.m.
Study Hall! My favorite class of the day. Basically, I can just chill and do whatever (some restrictions apply) for fifty minutes. But I have yet another test to study for, so I can use my time to do that. But I'm too lazy. I mean, I know all of the stuff, so it shouldn't be a problem. But all I wanna do right now is lean back, relax, read a book, or perhaps just sleep. But I might forget come testing time, so I better study. But is it really gonna be worth it?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
12:05 p.m.
It's lunch time! I'm excited because I am exhausted of hearing hour long lectures and I just want something to fill my stomach with. I walk outside off of campus and go across the street to...no, a meat sandwich doesn't sound so good right now. A meat quesadilla sound pretty good so I walk back across the street. But a meat sandwich would be great. But so would a meat quesadilla. Maybe I should get both. No, not enough money. Oh, man. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
12:30 p.m.
Ah, reading time. Or a twenty-minute Study Hall, depending on how you plan to use it. I walk in with a book, reading to dive into the adventures of Huckleberry Finn. But no. I still have MORE homework to do, so I should use these twenty minutes to study. But I don't want to. But I must. I want to find out what happens to Huck and Jim, but I have to answer a review sheet on how a bill becomes a law. It's so hard to decide. I want to do both, but I'm not a multi-tasker.
Everything has a decision attached to it.
3:00 p.m.
School is over. I come home and throw my backpack on my bed. I go upstairs to play PS2, but I remember that I have a book report to type out. Oh, but it can wait. But what if I wait too long? I would finish it late and lose points that would accumulate to the errors that are certain to be on the report. What should I do?
Everything has a decision attached to it.
10:00 p.m.
I have finished a hearty work-out and now it's time to open the Word of God. But I'm too tired, so I put it off until the morning.
That's when I begin to think. The past decisions have been so trivial and I treated them as if the nation depended on them. But now, one of the greatest decisions of my day is being blown off because I'm simply too tired. Ashamed, I kneel down beside my bed and pray. I ask God to forgive me for even considering not spending time in his Word. I ask Him to give me another chance. And He does.
So I get up. I sit up on my bed, my back against the wall. And I open my Bible and begin to read.
That's when I realize that everything does has a decision attached to it, but when it comes to God, I shouldn't even have to consider whether to do it or not. I should just do it and rely on Him to carry me through.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The Door
It is made of wood, lined with silver, and has a brass knob. It stands about six feet tall and two feet wide. Walking through this could lead to something exciting. But I’m hesitant. What if this is here as a shield? A shield from something that is not meant to be uncovered.
Or what if this is here to hide something that is meant to be discovered? What if it is something beneficial to me and all I need to do is open it and look inside?
But I don’t. I’m frightened of what I might find. It’s difficult to say what is in there. It could be something amazing and fascinating meant for my amusement. Or it could be something I need greatly. Or it could be something dreadful that is meant to be hidden. It could lead to sickness, sorrow, pain. Even death.
But I can’t be sure unless I open it. I have a great part of me that is pushing and urging me to twist the knob and satisfy my curiosity. Then there is another part that is warning against it, telling me I could face severe consequences for it. It’s a tough call. Too tough for me to make.
I look at it and see carvings. On one side I see a boy playing with his dog and smiling like there isn’t a care in the world. Then I see a slightly older boy with confusion etched on his face. Then there is a boy, with anger, guilt, confusion, and rage mashed together in one expression. It’s making my decision harder.
But what do these masterpieces represent? Is it the work of a vandal? Or is it a warning of what’s to come? Should I expect a careless, blithe atmosphere upon opening it? Perhaps a bit of ambiguity? Or hatred? What am I supposed to expect? I cannot answer.
I feel the knob as I contemplate making this move. I start to twist it, but I stop, for fear of making the wrong decision. I hear a voice saying, You’ll never know what’s inside unless you open it. Then I hear another saying, Some things are best to be left alone and not tampered with. But which voice am I supposed to listen to? The one with the positive tone, telling me to take this opportunity? Or the other, which is suggesting it is better to be safe than sorry? Which one, I do not know. Both are convincing. Yet I can only take one. But which one?
I keep fiddling with the knob as I contemplate the dilemma that has been placed before me. I want so bad to take this chance and discover the unknown, but I just can’t do it. I’m afraid of getting hurt, which is something I have accomplished the past years of my wretched life. I want to make a good decision for once, but it is too difficult. And knowing my luck with decisions, this will be one to regret when I do make it.
Suddenly I hear a sound. It’s coming from the other side. I hear joy and laughter. I hear children singing and playing. It’s so refreshing. I twist the knob.
But I stop halfway. How do I know this isn’t a trick? How do I know this won’t be added to my list of failures? I pine to open it and satisfy my curiosity, but I also want to play it safe and just ignore ever contemplating this idea. But I can’t. I have this nagging feeling in my heart that I may be right for once in my life. But my heart has been wrong before, so why start trusting it now? Why should I jump into a freezing pool of water without feeling the water first?
I look down the hallway, searching for other options. But there is no other. I look for an exit, but I see none. There is nothing. Nothing but me and a conflict I can’t resolve. It’s then that I realize that the only thing I can do is trust and let the rest fall into place.
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes. I think about what I am about to do. I start to doubt, but I realize that there is no time for that. It’s now or never. Do or die.
I twist the knob all the way, but I can’t open the door. My hand is shaking with fear. I still don’t trust myself. I want to do this so badly, but I’m afraid of screwing up. I compose myself and push the door. And I open it.
The results of my decision are about to be made known.
Or what if this is here to hide something that is meant to be discovered? What if it is something beneficial to me and all I need to do is open it and look inside?
But I don’t. I’m frightened of what I might find. It’s difficult to say what is in there. It could be something amazing and fascinating meant for my amusement. Or it could be something I need greatly. Or it could be something dreadful that is meant to be hidden. It could lead to sickness, sorrow, pain. Even death.
But I can’t be sure unless I open it. I have a great part of me that is pushing and urging me to twist the knob and satisfy my curiosity. Then there is another part that is warning against it, telling me I could face severe consequences for it. It’s a tough call. Too tough for me to make.
I look at it and see carvings. On one side I see a boy playing with his dog and smiling like there isn’t a care in the world. Then I see a slightly older boy with confusion etched on his face. Then there is a boy, with anger, guilt, confusion, and rage mashed together in one expression. It’s making my decision harder.
But what do these masterpieces represent? Is it the work of a vandal? Or is it a warning of what’s to come? Should I expect a careless, blithe atmosphere upon opening it? Perhaps a bit of ambiguity? Or hatred? What am I supposed to expect? I cannot answer.
I feel the knob as I contemplate making this move. I start to twist it, but I stop, for fear of making the wrong decision. I hear a voice saying, You’ll never know what’s inside unless you open it. Then I hear another saying, Some things are best to be left alone and not tampered with. But which voice am I supposed to listen to? The one with the positive tone, telling me to take this opportunity? Or the other, which is suggesting it is better to be safe than sorry? Which one, I do not know. Both are convincing. Yet I can only take one. But which one?
I keep fiddling with the knob as I contemplate the dilemma that has been placed before me. I want so bad to take this chance and discover the unknown, but I just can’t do it. I’m afraid of getting hurt, which is something I have accomplished the past years of my wretched life. I want to make a good decision for once, but it is too difficult. And knowing my luck with decisions, this will be one to regret when I do make it.
Suddenly I hear a sound. It’s coming from the other side. I hear joy and laughter. I hear children singing and playing. It’s so refreshing. I twist the knob.
But I stop halfway. How do I know this isn’t a trick? How do I know this won’t be added to my list of failures? I pine to open it and satisfy my curiosity, but I also want to play it safe and just ignore ever contemplating this idea. But I can’t. I have this nagging feeling in my heart that I may be right for once in my life. But my heart has been wrong before, so why start trusting it now? Why should I jump into a freezing pool of water without feeling the water first?
I look down the hallway, searching for other options. But there is no other. I look for an exit, but I see none. There is nothing. Nothing but me and a conflict I can’t resolve. It’s then that I realize that the only thing I can do is trust and let the rest fall into place.
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes. I think about what I am about to do. I start to doubt, but I realize that there is no time for that. It’s now or never. Do or die.
I twist the knob all the way, but I can’t open the door. My hand is shaking with fear. I still don’t trust myself. I want to do this so badly, but I’m afraid of screwing up. I compose myself and push the door. And I open it.
The results of my decision are about to be made known.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thanksgiving
Every year we always have something to thank God for. It could be small and insignificant like getting a new phone or life-changing like receiving the Holy Ghost. But this year, my family and I have something we all are thankfiul for. It's the protecting hand of God. Because without it, we all would have died three months ago.
I remember being angry with God because of the condition I was in after the wreck. I had cut my chin to the bone and my jaw was broken, therefore my mouth was wired shut and I was forced into a liquid diet. And it seemed like instantly after the wreck, everybody we talked to would say, "Oh my goodness, I feel your pain. Me and my husband go into a fender bender last year."
But I learned that despite the stuff I was annoyed at, I had something major to be thankful for. I mean, if it wasn't for the hand of God, I wouldn't have had just my jaw broken. I would've been on a slab in the morgue. It's just amazing how God works.
So this Thanksgiving, I thank God for protecting us when all along when we shouldn't have made it out of the wreck alive.
I remember being angry with God because of the condition I was in after the wreck. I had cut my chin to the bone and my jaw was broken, therefore my mouth was wired shut and I was forced into a liquid diet. And it seemed like instantly after the wreck, everybody we talked to would say, "Oh my goodness, I feel your pain. Me and my husband go into a fender bender last year."
But I learned that despite the stuff I was annoyed at, I had something major to be thankful for. I mean, if it wasn't for the hand of God, I wouldn't have had just my jaw broken. I would've been on a slab in the morgue. It's just amazing how God works.
So this Thanksgiving, I thank God for protecting us when all along when we shouldn't have made it out of the wreck alive.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Wreck Update
Well, we're all up and moving, so a full recuperation is imminent. We went to the doctor to check on some things. I had the stitches in my chin taken out and my left ear, which was thought to have a damaged eardrum, turned out to be okay and just a little banged up from the collision.
And everybody else is doing great. Nick's a little banged up but going to be okay. My dad had his staples taken out, and my mom had the stitches removed from her forehead. And we all are having therapy for the rest of the week. I'm not particularly enjoying it, but whatever helps.
And seeing as how our vehicle was demolished in the wreck, we are looking at a new one. A Yukon XL. It's a suburban, so we'll have a lttle more wiggle room in the next wreck (only kidding).
And we spoke to our school in Puebla, and luckily, they were merciful on us, given that school starts Monday. They are giving us as much time as we need to get back, so thank God for that.
Well, other than that, we're all doing great. Just continue to pray for us as we try to get back to Mexico.
And everybody else is doing great. Nick's a little banged up but going to be okay. My dad had his staples taken out, and my mom had the stitches removed from her forehead. And we all are having therapy for the rest of the week. I'm not particularly enjoying it, but whatever helps.
And seeing as how our vehicle was demolished in the wreck, we are looking at a new one. A Yukon XL. It's a suburban, so we'll have a lttle more wiggle room in the next wreck (only kidding).
And we spoke to our school in Puebla, and luckily, they were merciful on us, given that school starts Monday. They are giving us as much time as we need to get back, so thank God for that.
Well, other than that, we're all doing great. Just continue to pray for us as we try to get back to Mexico.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Only a miracle...
As I sit here with my jaw wired shut and bruises all over me, I am continually thanking God for what he has done this past week.
Sunday, we were on our way to church in Oklahoma City when we got into a construction zone. We were doing about 45 when a semi doing close to 75 rammed into the back of our SUV. The hauler also caught a lady in a small car with her 15-month-old son. And there were a couple of guys in a broken down truck who moved out of the way. Their truck was ruined, but they were not injured, thank God.
But what gets me the most is this. After the wreck happened, there was a man who showed and got all the citizens together. He told them about our SUV and the lady in the small car. And he assigned everyone to do something to help the victims. And when they all turned around, he was gone. I don't know about you, but I think it was an angel. God truly is miraculous.
As for our current state of being, we are all perfectly well, considering what would've happened. My dad has staples in his head, my mom got banged up pretty hard since she was driving, my brothers have some internal injuries, and I have a broken jaw. But other than that, we are all in ship-shape. Just pray for a speedy recovery so we can get back to Mexico as soon as possible.
God bless and thank you all for your prayers.
Sunday, we were on our way to church in Oklahoma City when we got into a construction zone. We were doing about 45 when a semi doing close to 75 rammed into the back of our SUV. The hauler also caught a lady in a small car with her 15-month-old son. And there were a couple of guys in a broken down truck who moved out of the way. Their truck was ruined, but they were not injured, thank God.
But what gets me the most is this. After the wreck happened, there was a man who showed and got all the citizens together. He told them about our SUV and the lady in the small car. And he assigned everyone to do something to help the victims. And when they all turned around, he was gone. I don't know about you, but I think it was an angel. God truly is miraculous.
As for our current state of being, we are all perfectly well, considering what would've happened. My dad has staples in his head, my mom got banged up pretty hard since she was driving, my brothers have some internal injuries, and I have a broken jaw. But other than that, we are all in ship-shape. Just pray for a speedy recovery so we can get back to Mexico as soon as possible.
God bless and thank you all for your prayers.
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